I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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