I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
