so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Randomize
