I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
