I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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