So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
