Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
