ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
