It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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