can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
