Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he thought i was a dude.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
