I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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