There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
