you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
