Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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