The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the day after is always just damage control
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
