My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
