You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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