Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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