i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
