Do vagina's smell?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
