I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
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this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
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Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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