They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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