Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
