so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
