Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
