in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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