I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
