Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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