She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
