You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
