don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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