You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
