she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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