i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
