I'm jealous of your bromance
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
