Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
