Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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