Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize