I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
