I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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