You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
