he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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