Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
