Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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