My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
