So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
