Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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