Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
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I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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