Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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