Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
