guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
