i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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