Pappa wants mamma naked
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
