i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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