Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
