12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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