I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
