I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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