Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
